Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
