dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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