Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
After tacos, we're chasing women.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
