I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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