He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize