i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
