this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
