what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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