god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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