the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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