Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
