Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
