So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
