It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
