I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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