it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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