I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
