I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
pray to the hookup gods
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
