I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
