its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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