Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
