A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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