The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize