I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
