Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
