We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
