idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
