i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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