I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
