I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You work out of a Hotel?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
