Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
