It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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