I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
