I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
