i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
