i was born a porn star she said
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
