at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
