All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
