11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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