Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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