A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
