So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
