drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
