is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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