Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
