Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Can Purell be used as lube?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
