I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
