I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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