If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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