i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
