I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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