Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
