So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
