Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
