I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
