do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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