i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have already put on my inside pants.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
