So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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