Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
