I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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