and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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