So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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