i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
