do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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