It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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