just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
