A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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