My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
