she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
