he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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