All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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