your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
