I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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