apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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