hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
