Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
