Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
