All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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