dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
