Where are you?
In a non slutty way
This is not my ceiling
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
