At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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