this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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