No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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