Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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