Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
