I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
