Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We talked him into tasing himself.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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