i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
