I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
