I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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