i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
