i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
