I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
