It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
