I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So much Jack, so little girl.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Couch. On fire.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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