but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
